k so sum of you prolly already know, but singles wards are pretty hoppin. Pplz move in and out all the time, sum buy sparkly rocks on golden rings for each other and they just disappear (srsly where do they go?). It’s a big job trying to keep callings full and make sure new pplz have fun stuff to do. We spend lots of time early morning every Sunday which makes me very yawny and crave a big coke-cept it’s on the sabbatical and everyone knows if you buy stuff on sabbatical it always tastes gross and gives you bad feelin during churchie.
Bishop has been tarin his hair out so much over it he tells us we need a better way to keep track of callings and new pplz. Sister Packer says their shower drain is gettin way clogged (ewww) and calls me sooooo distressed sayin “Steve you gotta do something!” - so Dave and I put our heads together *clunk-clunk* and we decides a whiteboard like snazzy mission presidents use wood be perfection.
So I embark on Indiana jones journey for a whiteboard, but it’s the end of the year and our budget makes Steve and Bishop very frowny, so we rilly has to git a good deal. Not proud of it-but sum stuff Steve has done, like Indy 500 racin’ shoppin carts and jammin on the basketball hoop over small smelly kids makes me attentionized in sum… well most stores. I walk in and grumpy with black pants and cap gun comes to talk to me and I get rilly annoyed cuz he always gets in my personal space and has bad onion breath!! gross! I got to haggle $ with them so I come up with a disguise they can’t xpect.
Now I am hidden in ninja-mode and makin only
whoosh-whoosh noises when I move my arms instead of
tap tap footsteps.
My first test is smiley greeter man.
He seems harmless-like so I lower my voice undetectable n’ make some scary grunts to catch him off guard. He says the whiteboards are way back and at this point I’m soooo wishin I had rethought my disguise cuz walking backwards is rilly hard! Plus I can barely breathes and startin to get dizzy-I move for a motorized wheelchair but he grabs my arm and starts tugging me. Which was okays-I like escorts but then he holds my hand and my stranger danger radar starts goin off! I try to be calm but I start huffin and puffin and pretty soon I’m blackout and ppl are fannin me. They askin if I’m ok 'n all I can say is “ask me laterz “ but comes out muddled 'n I guess they thought I said “alkacaesar”, so they make me eat gross white lifesaver that makes me all rabid-dog frothy like when I was 6. :(
I finally get there and they only have small ones-I guess for smurfs. Smiley greeter man is all proud but I am mad and crampy from the alkacaesar. Good thing my disguise doesn’t give it away, I’m blank faced like the president when they ask him hard question.
At first I was rilly down about the smurf boards cuz I only thought they were in ocean places like California. But then I remembered Nephi and how he kept tryin’. So I leave that place and tries nother. Turns out this was better-just goes to show that sometimes it is only after the trial of your faith that whiteboard can be made manifest.
I go in and viola! They have perfect size and even has magnetic field to use darts for callings and when we get bored in meetings. I lose the disguise and breathe a huge sigh of relief, but on way home I see downer beggar and decide to put my whiteboard ‘n mad art skillz to use to cheer ‘em up!
He doesn’t see me at first but then he jumps up like he’s not hurtin' at all! He throws down the sign 'n rips off his heavy breather head and makes way funny faces!
He realize after that it was just a pitcher and we has a good laugh. We best buddies now.
Bishop Packer is way eggcited about new board he gives me big hugz and says flatterin things like “you so smart and dependable” and how he doesn’t know how he’d live without me-of course I already know, but good to see he’s realizin’.
Sum of you prolly remember Pres Monson’s talk about “they pray and they throw”, well we do it, but dunna worry-only bishop gets to throw the darts.
Yup, new EQ President. Rest is blurred so gossip network doesn’t speculatin about who is going to replace me when bishop finally sees this blog.
